The American Gentleman

The cursor hovers on the page.

Waiting for it’s moment to dart to the address bar,

it misses your face, and that’s why I avoid the enter key.
I’d rather take the long route to my self inflicted miserable nostalgia.

I won’t open your letters, and I don’t write on paper.

It reminds me too much of you, so I draw instead.

I remember everything you’ve ever said to me,

and I’ve never written any of it down,

“please leave me alone” was a first

and I’m afraid it will be a last.

No one has ever asked.

Who I truly am. What lies beneath the surface. The truth is that underneath the pleasant smiles, friendly greetings, sharp tongue, and charisma lives a monster. The darkness perverts every good deed that I do. and no matter how hard I try to repent for my sins, every step I take that leads me farther from my convictions and closer to my demons. Every step is a step closer to who I really am. I’m too manipulative to be a good person anymore. If you have second thoughts about getting to know me, listen to them. They should be your first thoughts. I am the one that your mother warned you about. I am the thing that goes bump in the night. I am the monster under the bed, in the closet. The best thing I can do is run from the righteous and towards the darkness, the place where I belong. The place I have made my home. The place where my flaws are hidden amongst the darker shadows of others.

Life’s most precious moments are held in the cradles of surprising moments. Learning something new, practice paying off, sleeping in and cuddling on a Sunday morning, seeing a letter from a loved one in the mailbox, hot coffee with breakfast and a cigarette. These moments keep me breathing.

My name is Brooks King and I am sitting in Logan Airport

I’m not here to talk about who I’ve been or who I want to be. At any point in life there are literally a million different ways that life can go. I can change anything about the present moment while it’s living in my hands. As a writer sometimes I feel inclined to sit back and let the moment slip through my fingers and onto a piece of paper. However, sometimes it gets lost in my brain and wants to stay there for an eternity. Today, right now, at this moment, I can be Brooks King who sits and feels sorry for himself, I could be Brooks King who wants nothing to do with the hand I’ve dealt myself, I could be Brooks King that doesn’t believe in wishes anymore. But I made one last night, quietly, during a blink at 11:11. Today my wish came true when I laid in bed with you for half and hour and it felt like thirty five minutes. That was all I asked for, a little more time with you, maybe I’m losing my mind. Last night when I was over tired and upset I started seeing things, I thought for a second I was insane. Maybe I am. But maybe, just maybe something happened last night. The type of magic that only two broken hearts can conjure up. The type of magic that only comes to life when filled with passionate emotion. The type of magic that grows in a piece of a heart that’s been kept in a pocket for too long. The type of magic that forms from the dust of old habits you’ve tried to put into storage. Maybe you felt it, that time between 7:00 and 7:04 that held it’s breathe. It wasn’t actually any longer. It just felt that way.
Little wishes, that’s the trick. It’s harder for them to backfire. But I wished again, for the first time in a long time. I made a wish, and for the first time ever, it came true.
Please don’t mistake my affection for misdirection.
I know I may have lost my way but that’s why I took your compass once that day.
Could you tell by my inflection that I had every good intention, but when I saw  my own reflection I was filled with apprehension.
I never meant to push you away but that was all I ever did until this very day.
I’m telling you where I stand, I want to be the one that holds your hand, I want to do everything I can to be your only man.
I hope your in the mood to be forgiving, because friend or lover, a life without you is not a life worth living.
You’re irreplaceable, unmistakeable, my desire for you is insatiable.
I will make this right, not today and not tonight, but give me some time and I’ll remind you what it means to be mine.

day2daydream:

Somebody save me, and stifle this silent pain.
Searing through me slowly without stopping,
a secret darkness, a starkly hidden stain.

A perfect reflection in need of cropping,

because I don’t even want to see a single grain

of the things that brought me here today.
I traveled far, from the other, to the main

it hasn’t been pleasant, walking on broken clay.

I’m exhausted, always, and some say insane

but this is just the character I play.
“The world’s a stage”, a friend once said

it’s full of quiet and calm if I recall

and as I lay me down to bed,
I’m baffled, ‘n’ bittered, by the beauty of it all.

Last thoughts of nothingness fill my head,

thoughts that by daylight, are nothing’t all.

So deliver my from conviction, and into the dark,

I’ll make my escape, without the lark.

Just Some

I could spend the rest of my life running, the only issue with that is that no matter how long I keep at it, I’ll always wind up somewhere. Sometimes someplace great, someday I think something will stop me, maybe someone special will make somewhere more than just an average place. Maybe.

Sir Walter Raleigh

was an English poet and explorer who led an expedition to “The New World” in search of a city made of gold. His adventures were recounted in a greatly exaggerated book written by himself later in his life.
He’s well known for popularizing tobacco in England during the Elizabethan Age. At one point in his life,while he was smoking his pipe in an estate of his, he was doused in water by a servant who thought he was on on fire.
He had to secretly marry the love of his life, who was one of the Queen’s maids of honor. In order for any Maid of Honor to be married they needed to obtain the permission of Queen Elizabeth which was very difficult to do. Raleigh, who had previously been one of the Queen’s personal favorites in court, would have an even more difficult time obtaining this permission.

Rather than wait for what he thought may never come, Raleigh took the matter into his own hands and spent the rest of his life in faithful devotion with his wife Elizabeth Thogmorton. Much to the Queen’s agitation.

The simple part of love

It’s not that you outshine the sun,
it’s not that you are the tide to
two thirds of my soul or the
lightning storm that shakes

the earth of the rest.

You wouldn’t ask me to

rip stars from the sky.

Build you a temple,

or save you from a tower.

You are a sweet smile

sitting upon sun bathed pillow.
You are the smell of incense

and sound of a window fan

on a crisp summer night.

We are a sublime song
like a packed glass piece
and a forty ounce to set us free.

This is the simple part of love

constant little delights

whispering in my ear,

darling, Goodnight.

If ya’ll knew what I’d been doing

You’d swear up and down, left and right that I’m not the person I used to be. I’m not even the person I became after that. I’m someone new now and for better or worse I’m stuck with me. Until I’m not this person anymore, then I’m stuck with someone else. I don’t care if he’s happier than me, but I am willing to wager he’ll be wiser.